I Solemnly Swear That The Teaboy Is Up To No Good
by Page Nube Warrior
Summary: Harry has lost everyone in the Final Battle and the Wizarding World wants him dead so he runs. Ianto Jones is hiding something, can the Torchwood team figure out what before it gets them all killed? Slash IJ/JH   Gwen and Dumbledore bashing
1. Prologue

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Torchwood or Harry Potter. That is only in my dreams._

_WARNING: Gwen bashing. I originally liked Gwen but I've read so many fanfics that I know hate her. Dumbedore bashing. SLASH _

_Pairings: JH/IJ, RL/SB, RW/HG, GW/DM_

_Prologue: Harry Potter_

Around me people were fighting. Remus was against Bellatrix. The pure anger that showed on his face was enough to spur me on. After Sirius had died Remus went in to a depression. I never realized, but they had been in a relationship ever since their school years. After his death it took months before Remus even stepped foot out of his room. It didn't help that his wolf also mourned the loss of his mate.

Ron and Hermione were back to back spinning around and shooting stunners at any of the Death Eaters that came in t5o their firing range. They had finally got together in their sixth year. Needless to say the whole of Hogwarts was celebrating.

Draco was dueling his Father. One of the few things that surprised in the war was the turning of Draco to the Light. It turns out that his Father was planning to give Draco to Voldemort on his seventeenth birthday to gain ranks among the Death Eaters. It soon became apparent that there was an attraction between Ginny and Draco. It took only two weeks for them to get together.

Suddenly, Voldemort was before me, his cruel voice gave a command.

"Kill them all except the boy." Within minutes they we dead. Ron and Hermione collapsed inwardly from their position and fall in to each other's arms, dying in each other's embrace. Remus let out a mournful cry as he got hit with a Cutting Curse straight to the throat. Ginny was spared the torture of watching her lover under the Cruciatus Curse and was eternally silenced with a simple green light. Draco wasn't so lucky. I had to watch as he was slowly driven to insanity. I was helpless. Everyone was gone. I had no reason to live anymore. The only people I had ever loved or cared for were on the ground.

"Well, Potter, how does it feel to have nothing? No needs you, no one wants you, no one _loves _you." He laughed and I saw red.

"That's where you're wrong." I faced him full on.

"Oh, and what is that, pray tell."

"You haven't got a wand, I have. Guess what I'm going to do with it." Voldemort's face paled rapidly. A wizard's wand was their most precious possession. Without it, it's like functioning without a limb. It doesn't feel the same. If another wizard uses someone else's wand then that person will feel violated for the rest of their lives. A wand is not just a tool; it is a part of who you are, without, most people die.

There in my left hand was the ivory and phoenix feather wand that had got me in to all of this mess. I slowly brought it up to eye level and bent it. With a small snap it was broken, the phoenix feather being the only thing keeping it together.

"No!" he cried as the magical backlash disintegrated him. A large blood red force field expanded from the wand and filled the once joyful Great Hall.

I collapsed, everything went black.

As I awoke I saw the blurry ceiling of the pure white Hospital Wing. My eyes traced a faint crack down the far wall and gradually came to rest on the Daily Prophet that was balanced on my bedside table.

I gently sat up and pushed my glasses on to the end of my nose. I then inspected at the front. I openly gaped in shock.

_**BOY-WHO-LIVED TO BE SENTENCED TO THE KISS**_

_**Harry Potter, 17, has been sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss after illegally snapping another wizard's wand. You-Know-Who has been successfully defeated by this rule breaker but this doesn't excuse his crimes against wizard kind. Minster of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, has commented, "He has already performed magic in front of muggles and now he has snapped a wand. He has broken two of the most important laws in our society, who knows what he will do next". Potter, at this moment, is unconscious in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and will be sentenced was awake.**_

I dropped the paper like it was made of white hot coal and did the first thing that sprang to mind.

I ran as fast as I could from the castle in only a hospital gown. But I didn't care. They had betrayed me. The people whose lives I'd saved made them happier. It was all gone. I needed to get out.

I bet Dumbledore is behind this. All my life he had set me up and pulled my strings like a puppet. He left at the Dursley's on a doorstep with a letter to explain why I was there, to never feel the loving touch of a family member. Then, he gave me my Father's cloak in my first year, and with all of the clues that was slipped throughout it seemed like he was practically begging for me to venture in and get myself killed. He always kept secrets. In fifth year he made me think that my friends were pulling away and I went in to depression. Then, thanks him not talking to me, explaining what was happening in my head, I believed the false visions that Voldemort sent me and Sirius, my father figure of a total of two years, fell through the Veil of death. I can't take it anymore I need to leave.

I need to breakaway.

OIUBVVKIKIV

I hope you like. Please don't flame, this is my first fanfic and I'm not very good at it.


	2. Chapter 1: Missing

_**Redone:11/04/2011**_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Torchwood or Harry Potter. That is only in my dreams._

_WARNING: Gwen bashing. I originally liked Gwen but I've read so many fanfics that I know hate her._

**Chapter 1: Missing**

Ianto was missing. Ianto Jones is never late, though jack. Something's wrong.

"Tosh, have you seen Ianto?" queried Jack.

Toshiko Sato, Torchwood's computer genius, looked up from her overview of the security systems and replied, "Not since yesterday."

"Owen?" the captain questioned.

Dr. Owen Harper looked up from his autopsy review and shook his head dismissively, "Not since he gave me my 10 O'clock caffeine"

Gwen Cooper frowned, "Something's wrong, Ianto's never late. In fact he's usually her before all of us," She shrugged and wandered off towards the kitchenette.

Jack and Tosh exchanged looks. Their best friend/lover was missing and she had just lazily left towards _Ianto's_ kitchenette.

"I'm going to go look up top for him" Jack said, "Owen, check the Archives, he may have just come in earlier than usual, Tosh check out the area around his house CCTV system and the base's. Double check everything in case you have missed something. I want him found by lunch time. Go!"

The search group dispersed, while Gwen, oblivious to the panic upstairs, drank decaffeinated coffee because only Ianto knew where the caffeinated was.

Jack ran up to his office for his coats and comms system. He grabbed his coat off the back of the door and went to grab his comms system but then hesitated. On his desk stood a photograph. Its frame was metal vines that had been painted red and in the bottom right hand corner was the red Welsh dragon. In the photo Jack had his arm around Ianto's waist while Ianto clutched a large white teddy bear that Jack had won for him at the fair earlier that day to his chest. He looked so happy.

Jack sighed and ran out the door. Myfanwy glided down from the bases roof and perched on the railing. She moaned lowly and stared intently at Jack, her questioning eyes wanting to know where her nest-mate was.

"I don't know where Ianto is, girl, but I'm going to find him."

With that he rubbed her nose and ran out of the door to start his search.

**That Evening**

Everyone except jack had regrouped in the Autopsy Bay. Tosh was swinging her legs back and forth as she perched herself on the ledge of the Med Bed. Cradled in the palm of her hand was a small PDA which was silent after several futile attempts at tracking Ianto.

Owen was hunched over in his chair cradling a Starbuck's coffee cup in his hands. His head was bowed and he was staring at his shoes. He would never admit it aloud but he missed Ianto, even if his nickname was Teaboy.

The only one in the room that wasn't tense was Gwen. She was chatting avidly to her fiancée Rhys about a weekend away that they had planned. Inside, Tosh was disgusted with her co0-worker, one of their own was missing and all she was doing was talking about a trip to the beach!

Suddenly Jack rushed in, his military coat flapping behind him.

"Has anyone found him?" Everyone answered negatively.

Jack collapsed in to a nearby chair and dropped his head it so his hands. He sighed and everyone looked at him expectantly.

"I found a letter on his kitchen desk top." Jack pulled out a thick piece of parchment from his jacket pocket and leaned back to read it aloud.

_IJ_

_We can get him back,_

_DM_

"What doesn't it mean?" Owen asked. He looked around at Tosh and Jack.

"Well, isn't it obvious," piped in Gwen. "His friend wrote him a note saying they could get his lover back." She shrugged and walked out of the door, calling over her shoulder that she'll be back on Monday.

Jack wasn't paying attention. _Lover, _he thought, _but he couldn't be cheating on me. After all of the fits he's thrown about my flirting he wouldn't be that one cheating in this relationship would he?_

A hand landed on his shoulder and made him jump.

"Don't worry, Jack, I'm sure everything's fine." Tosh said caringly.

"Yeah, mate, I'm sure is just off at a coffee convention that he forgot to tell us about." Owen wasn't sure who he was trying to convince.

"I hope so Owen, I hope so."


	3. Chapter 2: He

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own Torchwood or Harry Potter. That is only in my dreams._

_WARNING: Gwen bashing. I originally liked Gwen but I've read so many fanfics that I know hate her._

_Just imagine that none of the team are dead, say Jack kissed them in time and they were all saved. Owen is alive, not walking dead._

_Yes, I know everyone is a bit out of character, I'm not that good and writing so you'll have to bear with me until I improve._

_I'm sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes._

_Thank you so much everyone for liking my story so much. I had loads of Favourite Stories, Favourite Authors, Story Alerts and Author Alerts. I've also had a few reviews. Thank you so much. _

_Special thanks to the following people for reviewing:_

_Rainbow2007_

_Katsy17_

_Lynka Read_

_Undoubtfuly Lost_

**Chapter 2**

**Ianto POV**

I sighed. My arm was itching and I wasn't allowed to move it. The sling didn't allow me much movement around my upper body. My leg was numb from all of the painkillers I had pumped in me. I sighed again. I was standing there, just outside the tourist office. In my free hand was a paper bag with several cups, a metal flash and several croissants.

Okay, what will they think? I've been missing for three days and will be coming in with my arm in a sling, a bandaged leg and a slight limp. Erm . . . excuses excuses I need and excuse. I went, horse riding and fell off! No, no, no, I could have rung. I . . . I went waterskiing and almost drowned. Nope, how do you get a limp from drowning? I'm babbling. Great. Deep breathes, Ianto, deep breathes. Just go in there and act like nothing happened. If they question you improvise.

I went through the door and went around the desk to press the button to open the hidden door. Sigh. I speed walked down the tunnel to the doorway that lead to the main hub.

Deep breathe, Ianto.

I stepped in.

CRASH!

A piece of china had hit the floor. I looked around the room. Well, if you could call it a room. It was more of a cavern filled with technology, with a stray pterodactyl and monsters in the lower cells.

"Ianto? Ianto!" The next thing I know I'm in pain, crouched near the floor. Once I manage to straighten up I saw that Gwen had managed to crush me and also set a couple of my previously on the mend ribs out of place. And she had smashed some of my best chinaware.

"Where have you been? We've been worried sick! You just disappeared, not even a note or voicemail! Where . . ." I drowned Gwen out as she rambled on about God knows what. My eyes scanned the hub as I search a specific pair of baby blues.

There, watching from his office was my Captain, Jack. I smiled at him. His face remained sullen and my smile slowly morphed in to a frown. What's wrong with Jack?

" . . . Are you even listening to me, Ianto?"

"Pardon?" I inquired politely. She through her arms up in the air a stormed out of the main hub. Once she had left Owen and Tosh came up to me.

"Are you okay, Ianto?" Tosh rubbed my back lightly and I sighed in contentment as her light touches soothed my back. "Let's get Owen to check you out, and then I expect a full explanation."

I didn't agree with her, just followed her lead as she lightly pulled me in the direction of the Autopsy Bay. I clenched my teeth, trying not to scream as she jolted my ribs.

"Come on, Tea-Boy, down you go and lift up that shirt." I gently lowered myself on to the bed and lent back. I winced again as my arm hit the back of the bed. Slowly I unbuttoned my favourite waistcoat and shirt and [pulled of my tie that Jack got me for my last birthday.

"Let's see, three partially healed ribs, a gashed leg and an almost healed dislocated shoulder. You've been in the wars, Tea-Boy. At least you don't have any gunshot wounds." I sighed. If only he knew. I had a lot more wounds before. I only kept these ones so it would look more believable that I was attacked, the rest I had healed up.

"Take these painkillers at four hour intervals for the pain and you should be fine." He said to me as I slipped my shirt, waistcoat and tie back on. "So where have you been for these last few days?"

"Well . . ." I started but I was then interrupted before I could come up with a plausible excuse.

"We need to talk." I turned and saw Jack leaning over the side of the railing with a solemn expression on his face. It scared. There have only been a few times in life that I was scared; during the Battle of Canary Wharf, when Lisa got lose in the Hub, the first time I saw Jack die, when I got captured by cannibals and the many, many times that I've had a gun pointed at me. But this moment trumped them all. I was scared that he was going to leave, going to turn his back on me when I needed him most. In that moment, when I saw his face I needed him to hold me, for him to tell me that it will be alright.

"Of course, sir." I told him. He indicted for me to follow him.

We walked steadily up to his office. All the way there I was running things that he may need to talk about through in my head. A new coffee blend, stronger weevil spray, his button needed sewing on . . . The list just went on in my head to keep me away from the obvious reason he needed to talk.

Jack went around the back of his desk and lounged back in his chair.

"Where have you been, Ianto Jones?" he calculated stare unnerved me.

"Erm . . . well . . . you see." I didn't know what to say. My previous plan had gone out of the window with all of my courage.

"Damn it, Ianto! What have you been up to?" I jumped back as he stood up and slammed his hand down on to his desk. Oh, God he's angry, he's angry with me.

"I . . . I can't tell you, sir." I looked down at my shiny Armani dress shoes and focused on the patch that was getting scuffed from me rubbing it against the floor.

"Why the hell can't you? Is it _him, _the guy that you got the letter?"

I stood frozen on the spot. They'd gone through my mail, totally broke the privacy rule and searched my flat. I knew that they were only looking for a clue to where I had gone but I couldn't see clearly then. All I saw was that they didn't respect me, trust me enough to know that I would be alright. And that Jack didn't have any faith in our relationship. I thought that he was such a hypocrite. From all of the flirting and the homicidal ex, I thought we had managed to get past the trust issues. Yet there I stood, him accusing me of cheating on him.

"What you've gone through mail violated my personal possessions _and _you now believe that I've been cheating on you. Huh. One word; hypocrite. Every time someone from your bleeding past turns up you close off. You don't talk to. How do you think I feel when my boyfriend is flirting with people right in front of my face? And don't think I know what _they _think about my behind my back? Gwen hates me, ignores me and thinks I'm only good for making coffee. Owen thinks that same. The only person that likes me for who I am is Tosh!" I was panting after my big rant.

"Get out." Jack whispered to me.

"What?" I replied. I frowned as I said that. Is he sacking me?

"Get out!" he shouted and pointed towards the door. "Get out of my sight."

With those two phrases my heart broke. He was leaving me. Not just that, he was leaving me and cutting off my only way of seeing him. He was sacking me and leaving me all in just two sentences.

I turned around and saw that everyone had congregated in jack's office doorway. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes. They had seen the whole thing. Owen looked indifferent, Tosh was openly crying and Gwen, Gwen looked strangely smug.

"Fine, fine then, I'm gone." I whipped out my mobile phone and rang home.

"Hi. Yeah, it's me, can you come a pick me up? Yeah, I'll tell you when we get home." I then whisper down the phone, barely audible, "I love you too."

I hung up and then spun around on the spot, pushing everyone out of the way I ran back up to the tourist office, tears freely falling down my face, leaving glistening trails down my cheeks.

The rumble of his motorcycle could be heard outside of the office. I sighed. Here we go. I picked up my coat and swung it around my shoulders. I could hear someone running behind me, to stop me from running. I walked out of the door. He was sat on the seat and handed me my helmet. I choked out a sob as I looked at my tourist office. I swallowed and then pulled the helmet on to my head and clicked it in place. I clambered on to the back of the bike. He started up the bike and drove off towards home. I heard someone shouting me name behind me.

I spoke to him over the microphones and headsets that I had installed in to the helmets.

"Thank-you for coming back to me, Padfoot."


	4. Chapter 3: Let's hit Jack

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Torchwood or Harry Potter. That is only in my dreams.**

**WARNING: Gwen bashing. I originally liked Gwen but I've read so many fanfics that I know hate her.**

**Just imagine that none of the team are dead, say Jack kissed them in time and they were all saved. Owen is alive, not walking dead.**

**Yes, I know everyone is a bit out of character, I'm not that good and writing so you'll have to bear with me until I improve.**

**I'm sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes.**

**Special thanks to the following people for reviewing:**

**Rainbow2007**

**tamzingrance **

**Lynka Read**

**Angel-eyes56**

**Katsy17**

**917brat**

_**Yes, Jack gets hit. I needed an anger let out. **_

**Chapter 3:**

SMACK!

Jack's head whipped to the side as Tosh's hand connected with his cheek. Hurt and confusion covered his face as he turned back to her and demanded an explanation.

"An explanation? You want an explanation! You just hurt my best friend, the guy who looks after me, and you want to know why I slapped you! You're unbelievable"

She spun on her heels and stormed off back towards her computer. As she got there she turned and faced Jack again. Her hands were on her hips and her face showed the fury of a war-driven Amazon.

"I ran after him, you are the one that supposedly loves him yet I was the one who went to comfort him. You're sick, Jack."With that she threw on her raincoat and left through the porthole.

BAM!

Jack was doubles over, clutching his newly broken nose as blood spurted from it. Through watering eyes, Jack saw the blurry outline of Owen. The scowl upon his face showed his opinion of the situation.

**Ianto's House**

Sniffle.

"Damn, jerk. He just can't trust anyone. I_ hate _him. He can't stand not knowing." Ianto kept ranting until he couldn't stand it anymore and collapsed on to his bed sobbing. He clung to his black and red Bulldog shaped cushion and cried.

There was a knock on the door.

"Ianto, please let me in." Came Sirius' voice from the other side of the door. A grunt was his only reply so he took it as a yes and entered.

"Oh Ianto." The sight that was before him was enough to crumble anyone's heart.

Harry was rocking back and forth sobbing. Clutching a cushion to his chest he couldn't find comfort anywhere. From the state of his room he had gone past the anger stage. The contents of his chest of drawers were strewn across the floor with all of his clothes from his wardrobe. His shelves had been smashed to the ground and the books on them where in a pile with the clothing. Water was creeping out from underneath Ianto's en suite bathroom door. Sirius dashed in to the en suite to quickly turn off the taps that were running full force.

He then stepped back in to the bedroom and sat on the bed. Without hesitation he gathered Ianto up in to his arms and held him close, whispering comforting words in his ear. After a while Ianto slowly calmed down and looked up at Sirius with glassy eyes.

"Oh pup, look at yourself. I'm glad you've calmed down now. Let's get you a cup of tea; or something stronger." He winked and earned a weak laugh from Ianto.

"There's that smile I know and love." He ducked down and kissed him on forehead. He unwrapped his arms from Ianto and strided off to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

"Siri," A soft murmur made Sirius turn on his heel, walk back to the bed and kneel in front of Ianto.

"I'm not sure if I can do this anymore, Siri, It hurts too much." This one phrase was what hurt Sirius the most. It put forth how broken Ianto was from his experience; how he not easily gained trust had been trust back at him. It was something that broke Sirius' heart.

"List, you're Ianto Jones, war hero. You should be able to face anything. You can face anything." He reached forward his hands and clasped them over Ianto's.

"No Sirius, Ianto Jones, isn't a war hero, Harry Potter is. I'm not him". He then bowed his head and starred at their clasped hands on his lap.

"Oh Ianto, you're braver than you know," he reached up and cupped Ianto's cheek and looked at the twenty-nine year old.

"You're right, Siri, I can do this, I'll go in to work tomorrow as normal; just doing my work," he wore a determined look on his face and his watery eyes glinted with anticipation.

"Oh no, I know that look, what are you up to," said Sirius as he started to walk backwards towards the door.

"Oh nothing, just as little revenge plans. I'm going to make his life hell." Ianto seemed to rub his hands unconsciously together in glee of what he planned.

"You go, Ripper, you're not a marauder for nothing."

**I'm sorry that I haven't updated in . . . a month. (Whimpers and dodges angry fans wielding frying pans) Okay, okay, serious stuff now. I'm sorry I haven't updated. I've had my Grandparents up and stuff has just got in the way. **

**My updates won't be regular and may be months apart but I will update. **

**I'm also sorry for the length of this chapter. **


	5. Chapter 4: Decaff

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Torchwood or Harry Potter. That is only in my dreams.**

**WARNING: Gwen bashing. I originally liked Gwen but I've read so many fanfics that I know hate her.**

**Yes, I know everyone is a bit out of character, I'm not that good and writing so you'll have to bear with me until I improve.**

**I'm sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes.**

**Special thanks to the following people for reviewing:**

**Lynka read**

**HabitualFool**

**Firehedgehog**

**Katsy17**

**ShosonaTheRose**

**mdemanatee**

**Angel-eyes56**

**NoodleGurl127 (Love noodles! Yummy in a pot! My friend, Squirrel, managed to burn noodles. She forgot the water! Poor, poor noodles.)**

**Global Conquest-er **

**Magician Girl Mirani**

**elvelover **

**Chapter 4:**

The sound of the porthole opening at 6:00am the next morning was what awoke Jack that day. He stretched and yawned, rolling all of the kinks out of his shoulders. Sleepily he reached out with his left hand and unconscientiously searched for his absent bed partner. Not finding anything his eyes flung open and he sat up; scanning the bunker he called a room. Memories of yesterday's events flashed behind his baby blue eyes, aging his joyful smile by years.

"What have I done?"

His sheets were pooled in his lap and shifted slightly when he propped up his head on his elbows that were resting on his knees.

The broken look that had found itself upon Ianto's face haunted Jack as he dressed with his usual eccentric fashion sense. He sighed deeply as he pulled himself up the ladder that linked his bucker to the hub. He poked his head out of the pothole that was at the top of the ladder and froze.

Before him was a pair of Italian leather shoes. He slowly followed the body up and came across suit pants, a waistcoat, a freshly pressed shirt and the emotionless face of one Mister Ianto Jones.

"Ianto . . . I . . ." he attempted to apologise.

"Coffee, sir." Ianto bent down and handed Jack a cup of coffee before he could answer. He then abruptly stood up and walked out of the room.

"This is going to be harder, than I thought." Jack muttered glugging down a large gulp of coffee.

The next splutter echoed around the hub.

"You are now on decaff, sir." Came the cool reply from across the comm system.

* * *

><p>"Hi . . .erm my lover is going to come in and order a coffee every now and again. I was wondering if you could always serve him decaffeinated. It's just we've had an argument and part of his punishment is to go without real coffee."<p>

Ianto Jones was in Starbucks trying to get the company to help him with his task.

"Well, sir, we don't usually do this, but I know what you mean so I will put in a special request." The middle-aged woman at the counter smiled a warm smile.

"Thank you so much."

With his first task done he quickly walked back to the hub before Jack noticed that he had disappeared.

Again.

* * *

><p>Across Cardiff, in a third floor flat, Gwen Williams, née Cooper, was tossing and turning in her sleep. Beside her loving husband Rhys Williams was watching her, making sure that if her dreams became to violent he would be there to wake her.<p>

"No . . . . no . . . . JACK!" With that cry she jerked upwards to shock, not realising that her husband was looking at her in disbelief.

"Jack, even after marriage it is all about Jack." Gwen spun round and saw the disgruntled look that adorned Rhys' face.

"Oh it's not like that, sweetheart-" she tried to leaned across and kiss him good morning.

"No, just no. I give up! It's always Jack this, Jack that, I can't stand it anymore. I'm married to you and you don't pay any attention to me."

All Gwen could do was look down at her clasped hands that were resting in her lap.

"You won't even deny it will you! I love you, yet you still always go on about jack. You can't get it in to your thick skull that he's gay-" he would have ranted on further but Gwen interrupted.

"He's not gay." She whispered

"- and you just. What! I'm fucking talk to you and all you can think about is _him_. Get out!"

Whatever Gwen this thinking was going to happen during this arguement she didn't expect that.

"What? You're kicking me out! From my own flat. We're married, we share what we own," Her outrage could be plainly seen upon her disgruntled visage.

"A, this is my flat, that I bought for us with my own money, b, I filing for a divorce."

More shock was plain o Gwen's face.

"A . . . a divorce. You don't want me, anymore." She looked down at her hands, which were clasped so tightly in her lap that her knuckles had gone pale.

Rhys sighed and put his hands either side of her face.

"I love you, Gwen. With all of my heart," he got up out of bed and pulled on a pair of boxers and trousers, "But I can't stand being second best anymore. You have till lunch to get out"

With that he walked out of the master bedroom that him and Gwen had shared for years and left behind their relationship that was in tatters.

**I need some ideas for pranks on Jack. I also need some pranks that could accidently happen to Owen and Gwen. Please put send in your ideas.**

**Okay. Again I'm sorry for it being so long since I've updated and for the length of this chapter. **

**I hope I managed to put across how confused Gwen is. **


	6. Author's Note PLEASE READ VERY IMPORTANT

Hi,

Iknow these things are really annoying, but this is important.

This year I'm starting my GCSE Citizenship Course and I'm doing a campaign to change the severity of punishment for homophobic bullying. I believe that it should be much more severe. In my school, if someone made a racist comment then they would get a detention and if it gets very extreme then they can get expelled. However, if someone made a homophobic comment then it would general be ignored. Sometimes they may get a warning but that is all.

Both comments are bullying and should be punished, in my view.

Please may you go and voice your opinion in the poll that is at the top of my Profile page. It is totally anonymous.

Thank you,

Page


	7. Chapter 5: Twin Terrors

**Before I get on to this chapter I would just like to point out the fact that this FanFiction. I don't own anything but it this story I can make anyone in it do anything. I rule the little people in this story. If you are upset about how out of character people are, don't complain about it. This is my FanFiction story. **

**Sorry, readers, I got a flame and I really needed to rant at someone about and seen as it is school holidays, no one is around. That means that you got on the end of my rant. Lucky you. (Please note sarcasm). **

**Thanks for the cookie, Magician Girl Mirani!**

**On with the story.**

**Chapter 5: Twin Terrors and Bowie Trousers**

Diagon Alley was, as usual, packed with witches and wizards in multicoloured robes searching for ingredients, books and brooms to help with their endeavours. However there was one man that stood out from everyone else. His name was Ianto Jones. Thanks to the Pranks that he had been planning he needed help. Ianto stopped outside of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes.

He was calling in the professionals.

A smile crept on to his face as he thought of the red haired twins that he loved as older brothers. They were the only Weasleys that Ianto had contacted after he had fled Hogwarts. They were the only people in the Wizarding World that he still trusted. Sirius and Remus don't count anymore because they now lived muggle-style with Ianto.

There was a slight tinkle of a bell above the door as he entered. It was hard to hear the slight noise above the chatter and chaos inside. Ianto could only hear it thanks to his enhanced hearing thanks to his animagus form. People of all ages were swarming around the many shelves and displays that were in the shop. A small laugh escaped him as he spotted who was behind the counter.

Fred and George Weasley, Prankster extraordinaires, were struggling with the amount of customers that were around the counter. George's only ear seemed to be straining to hear all of the requests needed. Ianto joined the queue and once at the front he forced his needs.

"I need gear to prank my revenge on my lover that disappeared."

"Well, I could recommend . . ." Fred trailed off as he saw who was in front of him. He then sharply elbowed George in the side. In response he flinched and turned away from the young lady he was serving.

"What's wrong, Fred?" he inquired.

Fred merely pointed in front of him and starred.

"My, my. Mr. Ripper is in our esteemed presence. What can-"George started.

"-we do for you?" Fred finished as he broke out of his shock.

"I need your help."

With that sentence the pair bellowed, "Everybody out. We're closing up early." and started clearly the shop of its customers.

Once everyone was out they turned and said in unison, "Now, fill me in." So I told the situation.

Identical smirks played across their faces as they realised that they had a new mission. "Operation: Prank Jack" was ago.

-At Ianto's House-

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black were currently watching the Labyrinth, an 80's children's fantasy film that Sirius had an unhealthy obsession with. Currently David Bowie was dancing across the television screen with a variety of puppets, a baby and some very tight trousers. Sirius was practically drooling.

Remus looked between Sirius and the television screen wearily and finally decided to wave his hand in front of his face.

Sirius jumped and then turned to glare at Remus. In return, Remus just shrugged.

"I was getting jealous of all the starring as I'm the one you're dating."

"Aww. Mooney, you could never be replaced by Bowie." Sirius looked at Remus intently for a few seconds and then his expression turned a lot more mischievous.

It then clicked in Remus' head about what Sirius wanted.

"No, no and thrice NO" he jumped off of the sofa that he had previously been lounging on and ran round the back off it to hide. In response Sirius leapt out of his chair and ran to the sofa. He climbed on top and dangled his head down the back. His long black hair was all around his face and he found trouble keeping it out of his mouth as he spoke.

"But you don't even know what I was thinking." he pouted.

"Yes I do. You want me in a pair of Goblin King trousers. I'm not doing it." With that he ran off with Sirius close behind him, chasing al around the house.

And this was the sight that greeted Ianto and the Twins as they entered after an afternoon of plotting.

If you want to know about which scene Sirius and Remus are watching go to the link below. Just replace the (dot) with full stops and remove the spaces.

www (dot) youtube (dot) com/watch?v=C8jT9FVIVSU

Thanks,

Page

P.S. Sorry about the David Bowie thing. I've been watching too much of him during the summer hols and couldn't resist putting him in.


	8. IMPORTANT! READ!

Not a new chapter! Sorry! I have writers block. On the other hand I have a new poll. It's for my GCSE Food Technology. Please check it out!

Thanks,

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